I hate this disease

Today was the first time I had to tell someone they were positive. Ugh. I hate this disease so much.

He and I had our regular twenty minute chat before getting the results. He was nervous. He thought he was going to be positive and he had braced himself for it. I tried to make him feel comfortable and at ease. So we chatted and it felt like a normal conversation. He's only a few years older then me.

I so hate this disease. I know its not the end of the world. But this so incredibly sucks. I don't even understand any of this. What I mean by that is that this disease just seems so random and cruel. Yes, we know how you can avoid catching it but no one should get a death sentence for having unprotected sex.

I really hate this. I really really hate this. We need to fucking hurry and find a cure for this.

October here we come

October here I come. I haven't been blogging because things have been going on. Private things I had to deal with. But all of that has been resolved. And now, today, tomorrow, is something new. A new frontier. Its exciting.

Brief recap. Last Saturday Kevin, Marvella and I went to see uphillbothways but instead we saw a transgender comedian do her act. It was... a surprise and upsetting that we went to the wrong show but the comedian had a good act. The entire show was good. There was a Latina doing some good spoken word. Overall, it was probably better then uphillbothways.

On Sunday I met up briefly with Lupe and Marvella in the morning. In the evening I had dinner with Kevin.

Last Tuesday was my first day as an official HIV test counselor. It went well. I was anxious, and confident. Yeah, but I think I did some good work. Two clients were pros and smart about protection and HIV risk- they were just going in for a regular check up. The other two clients were more trouble. One didn't want to talk, but he eventually opened up. The other was a nervous wreck but I put him at ease. Overall good stuff.

Now school is getting into full throttle. And I'm turning in my paper work to start the graduation process. Crazy stuff. We'll see.

Gonna have lunch with Philip today and then lunch again with him and Jeremy on Sunday. Dinner with Kevin on Friday night. Softball and the Street Fighter tournament on Saturday. I'm nervous about the Street Fighter tournament but my skills are good. I just have to be patient and play hard. PLAY HARD. Take no prisoners and give them a hard time. Man, man, man.

Now I just have to do some homework. Sheesh. Maybe write some fiction. Do some illustration. Sheesh.

Kevin, here I come!

Trouble, Resolution and Dukes

I haven't been blogging on a daily basis. That's bad.

The last week has been busy. I've gone through a whole set of emotions in the last week.

Its an odd time right because I'm pretty happy with my life. Well, I wish I had a job that I loved. Right now I'm jobless but my excuse is that I'm going to school full time. So I guess that's not such a terrible excuse right. I just have to focus on getting my work done and upping my skills.

And then there's the fellow that I met and have been seeing for the last two weeks. I had a serious talk with him yesterday. Things aren't so ambiguous anymore. I was feeling a hot/cold affect from him, so I asked him, "What's going on?" He talked to me. Cleared a few things up. He still doesn't know how he feels about me. That's disappointing for sure.

But eh, when your in the business of fighting (like we all are), you can't sit down for too long, too wait for someone. You have to get back up and get in the ring and keep boxing it out. Uh huh. Yup.

I'm pretty sure I like him. Like his company. Like being with him. But I am not down for wishy washiness. No, not at all. Sometimes it feels like he's really into me. And then he seems to pull back, pull away. I don't know.

Some things are worth fighting for. Some thing are not worth fighting for. I've been here for eight months and things are pretty damn good.

He makes me feel melancholic and sad and a little hurt because I miss his company and because he's so damn confused and vague. And I like that. But I only like this melancholy for a short while. Now its time to get serious, get real, really be honest. We'll see what happens. I'm going to go out with him tomorrow.

We'll see what happens.

Put up your dukes! Here I come!

Engine Aiesche

Yeah uh huh. What happened on Tuesday? Took Mark to work, got the cable internet and TV installed. Fiddled with my wireless router but it looks like the router is broken or something. Ah. What can you do.

Suppy Tommer

Friday night. I went out with Kevin. We had Ethiopian food at some place on Telegraph. The decor was really nice. The food was good. Wish I had asked the waitress what that specific item was. Afterwards we had drinks at a pub up on Shattuck. Forgot the name to that place. Very nice pub. And then we watched Forty-Year-Old Virgin. All right movie.

Saturday. Moving. Moving. Moving. Had an episode looking for my wallet. Saturday night we went to Ikea.

Sunday. Returned my Ikea bed almost didn't get a refund cause of a mistake Ikea made. They sold me a box with the wrong bed inside, so when I returned the bed, it looked like I was trying to scam them. But I got my refund, my new bed. Picked up Mark. Had lunch. Finished his apartment. Made our beds and then went grocery shopping. Traffic was a mess in both directions. Had dinner and Sunday night TV with Kevin.

Monday. Ran around. Gave Mark a a lift to his appointment. Went to get a few buy a few house things-- didn't get everything I wanted. Cruppy. Went home. Took a nap. Built my dresser. Went to school. School was ah'right.

Sheesh. Thursday washer and dryer arrive. Gonna go out with Kevin again on Friday. Don't know what we're gonna do. Might Costco with Mark on Saturday. Have to visit Mom this weekend, don't know what time or when. I want to go to the bars with Cesar my coach on Saturday night. Want to pick up my desk from home.

Tenderloining

Last night was my second class at SFSU for this semester. It was all right. Afterwards I surprisingly hung out with Sean. We went to a bar in the Tenderloin. I met a guy who looks like Bill Gates there.

Tomorrow is moving day and I got home like 20 minutes ago. Most of my stuff is packed. But I wish I had more time. I don't like this running around stuff. Sheesh. Probably won't blog again till Monday.

Tonight I went to a dinner and movie with Kevin. It was nice.

First Day of Classes

I was bored. But first days are always like that. Now I have to figure out a way to install Flash 2004 on my computer. The CD drive is broken or just acts funny.

P.S. Mark is not a punk ass. But he does get on my nerves sometimes. Gotta grab him by the hair and just yank him about.

I just got home. Tomorrow I gotta do all my packing. DAMN! and then also go out with Kevin. We'll see what happens.